Letter to my Soulmate

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Dear Soulmate,

I am sorry I missed you this lifetime. Sorry for being born too early. Or too late. Forgive me if I passed you on the street without recognising you. Apologies for sneaking out of heaven without leaving a note or a forwarding address. If there were plans and promises made I am truly sorry for breaking them. I can’t remember why I decided to live a life without you but let me tell you what I’ve learned without you who made God unnecessary and aspiration redundant.

I have learned loneliness and how to cope with it.

I have learned to look for greatness in others.

I have learned how to occupy myself.

I may even have learned the meaning of life. Not sure. Still working on that one.

Without you to blind me to all else I’ve seen beauty and injustice and the broken-winged people who share this earth with me. Without you to cling to I have discovered angels and suspected heaven. Without you to hold me up I have learned to find shelter in storms and strength in numbers. Without you to worship I have found faith in the unknown.

Oh and let me tell you about mountains. I’ve stood on top of a mountain and seen blue ice dancing on peaks that serrated the sky. Up there I saw beauty that defied explanation and physics. I have also seen the star-pocked night sky topsy-turvy in a mirror-backed ocean and watched schools of flying fish in iridescent flight. And these wonders I saw alone. I wished for you then because I so wanted to share them with you.

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Since you, I have found resources within that loving you atrophied. And I must tell you now that I have loved others deeply and passionately. I’ve met people I will never forget and allowed them into my heart and my life. I even imagined some of them were you. When we meet again as semi-strangers I hope you will accept the changes in me. I plan to accept the changes in you. I’ll probably be jealous of the people you have loved but that’s the risk I was prepared to take.

Clipping wings just ruins the sky for both of us.

With you I would have been cocooned in a union defiant of Gods and the odds and I would have wanted nothing and strived for nothing. You would have outshone the stars and made beggars of kings. And so I decided to live alone for one lifetime. Having chosen this I know we now have secrets and separate souls. By the time we meet again we will have loved elsewhere and worshipped elsewhere and made wishes that changed allegiances and fortunes. By the time we meet again we will have “disturbed the Universe” as Elliot said.

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I am so sorry I left you in doubt of me but we were not enough. Even the Universe is not enough. Nothing and nobody is an end in themselves or itself because I have learned there is no end to this great adventure called life. There, that’s the meaning of life I was struggling to find. I do think that’s it, my love. There is no final position ever.

I will not pretend that life without you has been easy but I maintain it was necessary. I needed to know what existed beyond the enchantment of us.

I’m not sure where to send this letter – heaven or hell or to your wife – or even if you will find it and read it. I hope you will. I hope you are well. I look forward to seeing you again,

All my love, your soulmate.11586225_182536249146_2

 

12 thoughts on “Letter to my Soulmate

  1. Pingback: Letter to my Soulmate | Catch The Moon, Mary

  2. “Clipping wings just ruins the sky for both of us”.

    What a potent line. I love the feeling of the letter; how the writer acknowledges the unknown in a letter to their soulmate and accepts he or she may be found in this lifetime or another.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wendy,

    This really stirred in me and moved me. Thank you so much for sharing it. I relate to most all of it, perhaps 100%, but no less than 99.9%. 😉 No, I am not an OCD mathematician. I just speak my heart and deal with the consequences after. Hah! That does annoy some/many. Blame my Mom, I got it from her… as I did many other characteristics. Some good, some bad, some scary, some euphoric. And apparently when I learned about her romance and love with my Father, either she was still under his spell (sorcery?) or medication from my birth. When they needed to spell out my legal first name absolutely no one can ever correctly guess how to spell it no matter how hard they try. 🙄 They never should really because NO ONE has ever heard of the 1950’s — 60’s American guitarist she loved. Hahaha. But I’m digressing, sorry.

    This blog-post, about Soul Mates (and Twin Flames perhaps)… have you heard of Oriah Mountain Dreamer? She has written one of the most moving, profoundly raw poems about Soul Mates/Twin Flames I have ever read and likely will ever read. It is called “The Invitation.” Familiar with it?

    If not, I’m happy to share here if you’d like. I have a big inkling you will really like it. 🙂 Let me know if interested. I have a link ready and handy.

    Professor Taboo… aka Dwain

    Liked by 1 person

  4. For the Madame, Wendy as she wishes…

    —————————

    It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

    It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.

    I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

    I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own; if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, be realistic, remember the limitations of being human.

    It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

    I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence.

    I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand at the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, ‘Yes.’

    It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children.

    It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the centre of the fire with me and not shrink back.

    It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

    I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

    The Invitation, by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

    —————————

    I’m not sure of your Spam Settings for WordPress, but I can provide her webpage too if it pleases you.

    Like

    • Apologies! I only just found this. It had gone to SPAM! What a raw, lush and uncompromising ask of a soulmate. Given all the meaningless, transient, gossipy engagements we all tend to have this cuts straight to the soul. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

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