And so another year begins with all the promise and peril held in suspension. I love and hate this time of year. Love it because I can hit the psychological reset button and go forward. Hate it because it’s the height of summer and I feel lethargic and irritable and can’t seem to get cool no matter what I do.
But 2019 promises great things or at least the fruition of many works-in-progress.
But back to 2018 for a moment. I had to let go of two people I never thought I would – two ladies who held such a profound psychological place in my life because they could always be counted upon to buoy me up when I slid into despair. So, what happened? Well, at the beginning of 2018, every theatre in Australia rejected my work and when that happened these two women dropped me. It was odd because they had both supported me through years of rejections and successes and I had supported them. But for some reason last year’s early rejections hit them hard, so hard they could no longer weather my storms. One of them actually blamed me for Australia’s failure to recognise my talent and persistence. She said there was something lurking in my mind, or worse, my soul – an unfinished story from a long ago life or a childhood event I wasn’t facing and it was permeating all my relationships and poisoning my professional chances. Sounded like bullshit to me. My feeling was that she couldn’t face doing the hard yards in her own artistic career and was projecting her impatience onto me. The other lady just hit her usual quit-by date and has since demonstrated an equal lack of commitment to other artistic friends.
True, I missed their enthusiasm and the pep-talks and the your-so-brilliant-it’s-just-a-matter-of-time-before-you’re-famous memes, but in truth, I don’t miss them. Their heightened energy and pronouncements of easy success was highly addictive and frankly, unreal, and their promises left me swirling on an unpredictable tide.
I wonder what they would say if they knew that within a month of their leaving my life I received two positive offers? One from a composer who is ready to complete and workshop a musical we almost finished five years ago, the other from a Scottish director asking if she could produce my musical, FRED and direct CATCH THE MOON, MARY as both a play and a film.
What happened to my lurking karma from a past life and my suppressed childhood memory? Or do these things not apply with international or interstate exchanges?
So, I have let go of two friends who are no longer a good fit. I wish them well and lament that they will learn slowly that success and indeed, life, has no easy roads worth taking. There is always a toll and it’s usually paid later. The hard road is long and steep but oh, the view and the mental fitness achieved through endurance and effort. There is no view on the flat easy road. What people find is it goes nowhere you haven’t already been.
So, 2019. There is a wedding mid-year in Provence and after that two weeks in Paris. I hope to meet up with London friends and consolidate more projects and ideas. By mid-year I should have another musical completed and ready to show my agent and a good portfolio of completed musicals and a new manuscript. So, whilst success is being elusive and drawn-out I will not be caught on the hop when it does arrive, overnight! To support my new-found success I will have five musicals ready for workshop and/or production and to support my debut novel, Catch the Moon, Mary I have Fields of Grace, an elegant and charming novel with sufficient gravitas to delight the readers of Catch the Moon, Mary who loved its vitality and originality. My voice is still there in Fields of Grace albeit singing a different song. I am not one of those writers who could endure writing the same story over and over again to sate the greed of a publisher. My relationship is with my readers, present and future, who will find in my words, emotional resonance and spiritual connection.
They will sigh and know, this is what a life built on faith looks like.